Today at the coffee shop a friend and I caught up and were just generally talking and all of a sudden we both stopped talking and somehow at the same time tuned into the conversation of the people in the table besides us.
"These days no one is ever married for 40 odd years. Its just impossible being with the same person for so long."
Both of us being Indians and fairly orthodox kinda reacted with a jaw drop, followed by laughter. In order to hide these reactions we both quickly buried our heads into our iced coffees. Then once the laughter (at the realisation that we both were eves dropping at the same time and that their conversation was so ridiculous). The worst part was that this was a conversation that a "family" was having, with people apparently from at least 2 generations. What the...???
Anyway once the initial shock, laughter etc had subsided we were discussing it. We came to the consensus that westerners (most) do not really believe or have the correct view of marriage. It is just the mere celebration on the day and a few joyful years following it, followed by arguments and the eventual but apparently unavoidable break up.
Indians (most) however go into marriage realising its a union and a commitment for life. This is why the marriages mean more, have many rituals preceding it and are considered to be the union of two families (as families are usually people who stick through thick and thin). The major difference is that Indians see it as something that has to work out, without a doubt.
We were also wondering whether our thinking is too idealistic and conservative or whether it is the logical view. Whether these views were brought about by the traditions, values and customs taught by parents or whether we are just smarter or more practical?
8 comments:
I myself have asked this question many a times.
Is marriage really necessary?
One thing I know for sure is that our planet would not be what it is today, if not for marriage.
It would have been a whole lot different. Good or bad I don't know.
First time here Ms.
In India too there are so many break ups... As you said the family here is considered as not merely a union of two people, but union of two family... May be we are not practical, but we are good enough to live a better life...
i think here again u only are going by the common perception....
It happens a lot in india as well... lots of divorce cases coming up bfore the court every day... one thing is for sure preeethz.... NRI parents teach the customs, values and traditions a lot better than most of the wanna be high class Indian parents :)...
I beg to differ from few of the opinions posted here. Its not about the differentiation between NRI or Indians parents - rather its more so about the children on the longer run.
In the West, marriage is merely for convinience sake and not for the benefit of the society. But in India traditionally marriage gives a man/woman some social respect in many sense. People look upto him and appreciate about the fact of his relationship which is supposed to be monogamy through.
But here its not quite the same for all purposes. People marry because they think its cool. There is no form of social implications to marriage, since all that you can do post marriage is quite possible without that accredition. Then whats the purpose of marriage (?). No one gets into it having to think to get into a stronger bond for life.
I am not arguing that in India thats not the case anymore. Parents bring up their children with their utmost convinctions and value systems. But beyond a point the Social systems and architecture of the child has got a lot to do with his approach and outlook towards life.
Values are very important and they define a person. Since its only the values someone is very serious about and it needs to be resonated strongly to people around just for them to know that you are seriously about few things in life.
Seri, I guess its not my blogspot and is Preethzzz, so I better shut up now :)
Filtered by sambhar....
u know preethz ppl who live in abroad care about their culture and values more than ppl who live in india...
separation n divorce is everywhere...but we indians care more about our family and society...so that keeps most of the peoples mouth shut even if dont like their relationship...
n pluz rite from the minute we r born...our indian values r just embedded in our brains..well look at me..i might be in abroad..but my heart n soul belongs to india..:D
divorce in india also increasing. marriage does not work divorce is the way out. with respect to commitment, depends frm person to person, cannot be universally extrapolated to everyone
ok in this case i'll just generally reply to everyone's comments... yep what i said was very generalised... it varies from person to person...
wht i was talkin abt ppl who want to marry... and in general abt indians and westerners... not all but most... the difference with indians (most) is tht when they enter the marriage atleast they do expect it to last a lifetime... they may find out otherwise later... its unpredictable...
a very nice one here pretz... we need someone to call our own! :) i back u in thinking its for a lifetime
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